It’s currently 12:19am and I just threw a pillow across the room. In my imagination, it was something heavy which made a loud and overly dramatic crash as a symbolic representation of my inner frustration. Why did I throw a pillow across the room? Well sit back and let me explain to you the reality that is my regular workload:
- I work two part-time jobs, one at my church and one at FedEx.
- I also am a full-time student, finishing my degree online to finish my pursuit of a bachelor’s in Biblical Studies.
Let’s pick tonight as an example of why this keeps me very busy by itself. For FedEx, I carry heavy boxes from a conveyer belt and stack them 4D Tetris style into a big container that gets shipped to some other place for people to deliver. Sounds simple right? You betcha butter biscuits it is, except when you get three trillion boxes piled up on the belt and not enough hands to load them all so everything gets behind and we all stay at work late because the job has to get done.
But don’t worry, I got to drive home at 8:30pm and start working on two worksheets for a class, write a four-page paper with six sources, and reply to four discussion posts for the group class. All of which was due by midnight. “But Caleb,” you may be thinking, “why did you wait so long to get to those projects?” Because I have a procrastination problem and I’m legitimately ADD, and I still am trying to get good at sticking to a calendar.
So, midnight struck and I got it all done except for the paper, and the discussion posts. Which means I’ll get some points knocked off for turning this stuff in late. I don’t know what time I will get it done, it’s currently 12:45am as I write these words. But don’t worry, I will be up at 6:45am to record a podcast episode. And at some point between waking up and going to work I will need to prepare my meal for the day, (because a lovely person in my life convinced me to do that in order to eat healthier and help my budget, even though after shopping at the grocery store I feel like I should be eating rice and beans for the next five thousand years.)
Topping all of that off, I haven’t even touched my book to finish writing it for the past three weeks.
That’s why I threw a pillow across the room. I then proceeded to just sit in my bed for a couple of minutes and just wishing everything could stop for a week. Why am I even writing this pity party at this time? (12:55am, case you were wondering.) Frankly, because writing this sounded much more beneficial to my soul than finishing this paper that I do not care about at the moment if I were honest.
I just can’t do it all. It just all feels like way too much in this moment, and the worst part is no one is awake for me to talk to. Except for God. And honestly, only 10% of that actually feels encouraging right now, but it is at least 70% the reason I am writing it. (The other 30% is just taking a break from this paper before I throw my laptop too.)
Because here’s the thing: we were not made to do it all by ourselves. Whatever it is you may be facing, whatever difficulty or stress that is in your life, you are not made to do it alone. About 2,000 years ago, Saul of Tarsus was writing a second letter to a group of Christians in the city of Corinth. In his letter he says this after reflecting on a hardship he was facing:
“9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”2 Corinthians 12:9-11 (NIV)
Now, I’m not gonna sit here and think that this guy is referring to my poor discipline in sticking to a schedule and not being able to do my homework. But the reality is there are plenty of other areas in my life and times where I simply feel like “I can’t do it all.” Whether it’s forgiving someone, enduring pain, bearing a heavy burden, etc.
We were not meant to do it. It is in our weaknesses that the power of God shines through and when we lean into Him, THEN we are strong because it is not our power that we overcome but the power of God in us!
It’s currently 1:22am and I gotta finish this paper. But I will conclude this short blog with a text message I received yesterday. I had a friend of mine point out a parallel between her motto and mine:
And that is some good news.